Saturday, December 6, 2008
I'll be honest. I was aprehensive about blogging here again. But you know what? Who cares? I know my life, I know what I do and why I do it. I'm a great mom, and good person and if someone doesn't agree with it, then they don't know me enough to have a valid opinion in my book :)

Things are...well ok. Not terrible, but it is the holiday season, and I'm in the middle of a divorce, so I'm not even going to lie- it's hard. I find myself fighting tears more than before, but luckily I have my girls keeping me going. I don't want them to see me like this, so they don't. Suprisingly, it helps. It's wierd how things have changed over the past few months. At first there was a lot of adjusting. Now, things have become almost normal for me. I haven't slept in my bed for about a month. That's like the oddest thing that has changed. I really can't even explain WHY. I just haven't. Scheduling with the girls is normal everyday for me. I have friends that tell me how confusing it is, but honestly, it's normal for me. I miss them terribly when they are gone though. I hate that they don't stay with me every single day, but I know that since I'm by myself, I do need to take that time and have some alone time. And by the way, for those who don't know it, alone time can be good. But after a while it gets old and it b-loooows. I can't even tell you how many movies I have watched. Seriously, the list is uncanny. I've even read a lot more than I used to. SO that's good. I never had time to. Now I do :) So there, thinking positive :):)

Work is alright. Same BS, different day. I'm trying hard to focus more and not let my lack of sleep and mood affect my work like it has been. I really love my job, I just have to give myself a little wake up call and focus focus focus. I think I do a good job, but it's frustrating at times to feel like I'm doing great, and have a little snag, and get ripped for it. But it's the real world now, and that's how it works. :)

Ok, so hopefully next blog wont be such a downer. I'll post pics of my new nephew, Austin! You can't be negative with a cute little baby like that :) :)

Posted by Small Shake at 12:34 PM | 2 comments
Saturday, November 15, 2008
If you think you know me, how about stop being a coward and tell me who you are? I'm pretty sure I know who you are anyway though. You are unhappy, and eventually things are going to fall apart for you too. As for your comments, I feel bad for you that you would be so unhappy, to take it out on me. I'm working through what I need to work through. And I'm doing a damn good job. You don't know me. Sorry you miss out on that.

Posted by Small Shake at 5:28 PM | 3 comments
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Really don't have much to blog about. I could complain about a lot, but, eh, what good is that really going to do? Money is tight, things keep coming up that I'm not expecting, but honestly, I'm not stressing nearly as much as I would be if this was a mear month ago. Somehow, I'm just moving on and dealing with it. I'm not even sure how, I just am. My house is clean. Well, by clean, I mean it's not gross. I have 2 kids, a dog and a full time job, all the while being single again. I am almost caught up with laundry, which is exciting!

Sometimes I wonder, when did my life get like this? When did it turn into laundry, dishes, dinner, a dog, teaching a person to read, and another person to use the potty? When did I turn into an almost divorced mid-20's single mother of 2 wondering how I'm going to date again? When am I going to have the TIME to date? Not saying I am going to now, but I'm curious as to how I'm going to do it when the time comes. I'm almost certain it's just not going to be worth it to me. Which is fine, for now. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune eventually. I will say though, that I'm not a huge fan of being single. I don't think anyone is, really. Humans, especially women, need that human connection. And adults, need it to not include Blue's Clues and Yo Gabba Gabba, all the while trying to figure out WHY Ruby is so bossy and mean to Max (if you are a mom with Noggin or Nick, you KNOW what I'm talking about). So basically, right now, I'm just rambling and getting these things thought about. I'm pretty sure I know what I want, I'm just not sure I want it right now. Time will tell what is in store for me I guess.

Posted by Small Shake at 11:08 AM | 3 comments
Friday, November 7, 2008
I can't remember. I have had so much going on, I can't remember when I'm going to get a weekend without anything to do. I know it's gotta be around here somewhere, right? This weekend was going to be like that actaully. But because I can't say no, I'm helping serve at a wedding tomorrow. I kind of owe this woman a lot, so I couldn't say no. I should have, but I didn't. Even more so, I also offered to make the grooms cake. Yay for me. Hopefully this wont be such a disaster like my other cakes.

In other news of me not being able to say no...Course 2 cake decorating started last night at the end of the class. I kind of got suckered into signing up for it. $30 I don't really have. Yay again for not being able to just say "NO!". I might just say I really don't have the time and next time the class is offered, I will most definatly take it. But looking over what we are doing in course 2, i just know i don't have the damn time for it. It's not even an issue of money. It's the time. So I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to back out. :( I'm pretty confident that I will run myself too thin if I don't stop. In fact, I KNOW I will.

And to continue on my little ramble for today, work is at this point where, I LOVE my job, but this week, it effing sucks big ass butt. I'm exhausted and tired of trying to please all the while being super overwhelmed, on top of that, not having anything positive being said. I know it's not their job to tell me when I'm doing good. In fact, I know it's only when I screw up that they will tell me anything about my job performance. But shit. I'm busting my ass. I would at least like you to see that while I am messing up a little, look at all the shit that has been added to my plate. Give me a little time to at least learn it. It's a big system that I have taught myself. Why? BEcause you needed someone in my position so badly, you didn't take the time out to train me properly. If nothing else, take time out and train me.

Kids are growing and funny and probably the most wonderful thing going in my life right now. I'm totally happy that I have them. Maddison is having a little issue with walking. IDK. Daycare said they have noticed her walking funny for a few months, but thought that now they should mention it to me. I really havn't noticed to much because mainly, she runs all the time. That also with the fact that she is 2 and all 2 year olds have a limp, right? Well, I called the Dr. anyway, putting asided the fear of them making fun of me being an overly-concerned hypocondriac, bothersom mother. They actaully want to see her. Hm. So I'm going to monitor and realyl watch her walking for about a week, and take her in so they can see. I have to say, once I did pay attention, she does walk *a little* funny. But not too bad. I honestly think it's just a matter of one of her legs is longer than the other, and really, what can you do about that? She'll grow out of it, right?

Posted by Small Shake at 11:56 AM | 0 comments
Monday, November 3, 2008
This weekend was FABULOUS!

I like *him*. I don't want to right now, but I do. And the kiss...sigh....nice :)

What was even better is that is was the last part of an already AWESOME day. I got a free ticket to go see MY GAMECOCKS play!!!!!!!!!!!! And we WON!!!!!!! For those of you who don't know me, I am a DIEHARD Gamecock fan. Seriously. And I got decked out in my best USC gear and had a b-LAST at this game. I will have pics soon! :)

Posted by Small Shake at 11:50 AM | 1 comments
Friday, October 24, 2008
And that's all I'm gonna say.

Eh, no it's not. I'm learning to suck up my pride and ask for help. Things could get worse I guess. I sent an email to a friend and told him that today couldn't get any worse. He replied with "don't say that, because you can always get proven wrong..." Then my day promptly got shittier. So then he told me to never say that again :) So I'm not. It could get worse. But I'm not going to let it. Tonight I have a night with just me and my baby. And tomorrow is her birthday party. Tonight we are going to work to get her room clean. Luckily she is at an age where she loves helping me with tasks. So we are going to be able to hang out AND I can get some stuff done. I'm working on decluttering. That will help a lot. Then tomorrow we will wake up, get all pretty and go have a fantastic birthday party! After that, we are going to take a nap, and then go to a baby shower together. Serious mommy and daughter time. The littlest one might come too, but that depends on her mood and if she gets a nap. Then after the baby shower, we will come back home and watch movies and have a snack and just hang out. I can't wait. It's going to be a good weekend if it kills me :)

Posted by Small Shake at 2:59 PM | 1 comments
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Today is my baby girl's 5th birthday! I can't believe it! Where did this time go? She's the most incredible, smart, funny, awesome kid EVER.
For example:
and she's a damn good harmonica player:
and this one? Well it's just too cute not to share...

I'm really trying like always to enjoy all these moments. They will be gone soon enough. And then I'll have a screaming teenager who hates me :) Her party is this Saturday and it's gonna be fun, but LOUD! It's at an indoor inflatable jump gym type thing. Expensive, and a rip off, and worth it because she wanted this soooo badly. I know a few things she got already and she's going to be so excited! My mom got her Hanna Montana sheets for her bed because that is her new thing stuff :P

I made my first practice cake last night. Looks like hell! haha! I guess I'm going to need a lot more practice. BUT I'm not discouraged. It was my first one (well first one that I'm really trying to do a perfect job on). I think that with some of this pent up *stuff* I will be able to really take a lot of time to practice at it. It was almost calming to sit down and try. Get's my mind off things. So people around me are going to be eating a LOT of cake. :)

Posted by Small Shake at 10:32 AM | 2 comments