The Cupcake Chronicles

I have to get my emotions in check. I am in control. I will, I will, I will find ME. Amanda. Myself. The soul search is on. Unfortunatly, I think that search is going to lead me down a road of realization that I am not who I have been trying to be for too long. I'm not that person. I don't know that I ever have. But I think I have faked it for so long, that people who know me are telling me I'm just "going through a tough time". What if I'm not? What if I'm acutally starting to go through the begining of a great time? Then what? I guess this is what happens when you fake it for so long.

For a control freak, not being able to control feelings are really bothering me. I can't even mention to friends what my problem is. I just can't....I can't stop thinking, I can't stop getting closer to acting on it, I can't control a damn thing. I can't even blog about it. I just need out. I'm stuck. And it's more and more apparent the longer the days go on. It's almost enough for me to just leave. I don't know if I want to do that permenantly or temporarily. But something has to break soon. And it's going to be me. And it's going to hurt a lot of people in the mean time. I might end up alone after this.....